Survival

I've been away for awhile. Not anywhere. Still here. Just not blogging. To be honest, I haven't been myself. I've lost all motivation and inspiration. I'm now 21 weeks pregnant. I feel like I should be about 31 weeks by now. I was sick; that's over. Thankfully. I was really truly losing my mind. I was irrational, negative, foul mouthed, and distraught. I was becoming very resentful of the fact that I feel very alone in this whole thing of pregnancy. I get it effects the husband too, yada yada yada.....But let's be honest. This is my show. It's all on me. Bruce doesn't have an anaconda growing in his foot, ankle and leg. He doesn't have pimples popping up in places pimples should never be. He doesn't have little hiccups inside of him keeping him awake at night. There are no scales to face. He is not going to have to lay in front of a room of strangers with what feels like a bowling ball coming out of his private parts. He isn't living in fear of hemorrhoids creeping in. The list goes on and on.

I had to go buy bras yesterday. At only 21 weeks I've gone up 3 cup sizes. What will this mean for me once my milk comes in? I imagine they may very well become so large that I'll need a permit to carry deadly weapons. Ok, true; It's a pretty cool problem. I won't complain about that. We all know I love my lady lumps. Getting off track a little, my openness about my chest recently got me into a little hot water. So, if you haven't learned by now.....if you're offended by my boob talk....it's with nothing but love and respect I warn you to stay off my blog.

Anyway, back to my rant. There is one annoying thing I'm dealing with that Bruce is one up me on. That is the ridiculous amount of body hair I have growing in various places. He's got me there. That's for sure. I had to go get the sides of my face waxed!! This is only the surface. Let's put physical annoyances aside. My house is running a muck. It's just plain gross. I usually love to cook. I can't stand it. I decided a little while back that the only road to survival is to make sure that we all have clean underwear. Even that has been challenging. (Speaking of the kiddos that is.) I would love to have family around to help me. I've asked for divine intervention. Maybe I could have a week where I feel like wonder woman and can work from sun up to sun down cleaning, cooking, and organizing. Or maybe one day a crew of lovely women will move in to fix it all. It hasn't happened. Although, now that I've got my 34 G's in place and happy....Things are looking up.

Literally.

Kidless

Sunday afternoon, my dad came up from Red Bluff. My 3 kiddos have been bored stiff and wanted to visit their grandparents, Aunt Megan, and cousin Danyelle. (Sorry to the rest of the clan....I can't help it that they have chosen their favorites.) My dad took them home for the week. The prospect of being kidless was such a dream come true. I made out mental lists of all the projects I would get done. I decided to get my front yard completely done. Start on the backyard. All bedrooms would be completely cleaned out and organized. Hours upon hours of piano practice in. I could read at least 2 books this week without them around. I would thoroughly scour the kitchen and living area. Maybe even knit a scarf for fall. Oh, a vacation for me is really what I'd lined up. But I awoke yesterday morning, looked at the clock to see it was 6:45....groaned, thinking the kids would be getting up and causing chaos in about 15 minutes; then realizing they had been shipped out. So, I went back to sleep for another hour or so. When I finally got up I looked around and just felt really uneasy. I went outside and pulled some weeds. It got hot so I came in. I started some laundry and plopped down on the couch with a tall glass of ice water thinking in a few minutes I'll get up and get to work.....but, as I looked around and heard NOTHING! I couldn't do it. I had no motivation to work. The excitement of my kidless week had fled. I just felt LONELY! So, I spent the rest of the day on the couch. (Picture me hiding my head in shame.) Ahhh, the truth is I love having my smart mouthed, dirty faced, mess making little ones home. Without them home for one day I turned into a lazy, whiny, couch potato. Hmmmm. What a let down. Can't wait for Saturday when they get to come home.

Family & Fireworks

I haven't hung out with my cousin Mendi in years. YEARS! We were close as kids and extremely close as young adults. We were like Thelma & Louise(Ok, without the guns and thievery)....taking Chico by storm. She was in my wedding. I love her to pieces. She understood me during my years of rebellion and confusion. What people don't realize, because they tend to judge from the surface, is that I am a person who NEEDS a person to understand me and love me for me. Someone that sees my weaknesses and my strengths and loves me because of them. She was that person. She didn't personally believe some of the things that I did, but she always encouraged me to be whatever made me happy...One day I figured it out on my own. I decided to be committed to my faith.

And here I am now, living it the best that I can. I moved on and she supported me in that. None of my other friends did. It says alot about her. (BTW, I really did mean for this to be a post about all the fun we had on the 4th. I guess I've been needing to get this out.)

I saw Mendi at my Grandpa's funeral. We talked about plans for the 4th of July. I admit, I was hesitant to commit for various reasons. But, any prior commitments or apprehensions were second to the overwhelming excitement I felt to reconnect with my dear cousin.

So, we packed up the trailer. Loaded the kids, the 2 dogs(we got Ramsey the night before we left), the toad's and their tank, the tree frogs and their tank, a bunch of crickets and fruit flies and headed up to my old stomping ground....the beautiful Lake Almanor. My body hasn't seen so much sun in 12 years. I love being tan again. I forgot how amazing it feels. We swam in the lake. We laid on the beach. We ate way too much junk food. We watched the fireworks off the peninsula. It was amazing.





The kids had so much fun playing with their 2nd cousins that they hardly knew. They connected like they had grown up together. It warmed my heart to see this. It reminded me of my younger years when I played the same way with my cousins. We shared our holidays. We were ALL together. Time, distance, and maybe a few other differences eroded this. It's always left me a little disheartened. This weekend meant so much to me. And it was SO SO SO fun!! I think our new tradition will be to spend the 4th up at Lake Almanor....but, next year I will make sure my air mattress doesn't have a hole.

Ramsey

I would like to introduce you all to our newest family member, Ramsey. He's a 7 month old Golden Retriever that we adopted from a family who could no longer provide a home for him. Yes, I've clearly lost my mind to have agreed to this. And YES, I did agree. Bruce did not push me. He really didn't have to. Ramsey is so cute and sweet that I caved with almost no pressure. I'm getting so weak in my older age. So, when you come to my house remember 2 things: 1)take allergy meds if needed 2) My house will be in complete disarray while I try to deal with the mess of two dogs shedding everywhere & the rest of the puppy years. Please pray for me. The increased poop in the yard alone might drive me mad. But, for now, all is well....we love our new pup, Ramsey.

Chocolate Cake

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My birthday has come and gone. It's been a full month. That makes it seem like ages ago. So last night when I hosted our Live, Laugh, Love club I didn't give it a thought. I made Thai Chicken Salad for the girls. Debbie called earlier in the day to offer dessert. She was concerned I might think she was overstepping....I assured her that I gladly give up dessert duty. I do not usually enjoy baking and often don't even consider dessert when meal planning. People judge me for that, I know. But, if Dan & Kayleen Boone were your parents you would understand. We began our meeting as usual, although 2 ladies less. Ashley had other "obligations" and poor Georgia came down with a nasty migraine. We were bummed to miss them. We were supposed to be surprising Ashley with her birthday gift and looking forward to Georgia bringing her sister to meet us. Anyway, Debbie, Denise, Molly and I sat down for dinner and laughed our pants off! I went into the kitchen for a brief moment and came back to find the 3 girls in a bustle. Party glasses and horns, hats and the chocolate cake. Not the Debbie's homemade cake she told me of. The Ettore's cake. Oh me oh my!! The chocolate cake......give me second to cool down. It was so beautifully written on, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! TANJA & ASHLEY! (Debbie was a great little liar, I must say!)


Poor Ashley, missed the cake. I got it all to myself.......yuuuuummmmm!

And I got a precious 1 hour massage.

I must say, turning 32 has been the gift that keeps on giving. My party alone was plenty wonderful. Even for me who expects excitement and bliss on my big day. Then, I got a few after presents....a wonderful brown summer dress, a box full of reusable shopping bags, a check in the mail, and now; a whole month later, a massage and chocolate cake!

I'm getting older now, it's true. Some things are inevitable. My girls might sway, my eyelids may droop, my tummy may be in need of a tuck, and my cakes sag....but that chocolate cake....made 32 absolutely blissful!

It's My Party!

Bruce & I at the end of a great night...Don't we look fresh!

I don't know how to get that dang date stamp off my photos. It's so irritating! But, check us out!
Turning 32 was absolutely fabulous, AS IT SHOULD BE! I'd been planning my birthday outfit for weeks. I had this vision in my mind of how I wanted it to be. The thing is that I knew we would be doing karaoke. I've been planning that too. I love singing all the classic rock chic songs. Janis Joplin, Pat Benatar, Bonnie Tyler, Blondie.....So, I had to look like a rock star! I wore my skinny jeans...of course everything held in tight with my SPANX. I found this fabulous shirt at TJ Maxx. Got some great jewelry. Lots of make-up. It came down to Friday, I picked up the babysitter and we went to the shoe store to finalize my look. The shoes aren't in the picture. That's a cryin' shame!

We went to dinner a La Rosa Blanca with some friends. You must go to this place! Excellent food and great live music on Friday nights. It was dreamy to have a bunch of Mexican men surround me with guitars and tambourine's and sing their lungs out! Wheww!

After dinner we went to Ruru Lala.....small group but so fun!! Here's a few pics and some video clips(although the video is pretty dark, you can hear us screeching out our songs!)

Felisha & Ashley.....prego power!!
Dan , myself, Georgia and Mary

Jason and Bruce rock the house!


"I Will Survive"....but you might die listening to it!

Memorial Day

Memorial Day 2009 found us once again cemetery hopping.
This tradition was new for me when I married into the Anderson family but has become one of my most treasured ones. I have always had somewhat of an obsession with death, as my loyal readers know. For me there is something so amazing about taking time to honor loved ones past. Partly, I know it's because I fear I will die and be forgotten. It's also because I feel so drawn to my ancestors. I believe that the lives they lived have influenced how I was raised and who I am. When I am down, I often talk to my deceased grandparents. I believe they are busy doing other things now, but I also believe they are aware of me and surround me when I need them to. This year was bittersweet at the cemetery. I had just lost my grandfather. My mother and uncles were in Utah putting him to rest. I was sad that I couldn't be there. I also lamented about my Grandma Boone. I missed putting flowers on her grave last year. I missed her birthday this year. And now, I've missed her death date, June 1, as well. I will go there soon to do that.

As we cleaned the headstones and decorated the graves with flowers, my children listened to stories from Bruce and their Grandma Anderson about the loved ones we were honoring. My mother in law shared a story about her son, lost at 3 years old. About 2 weeks before his passing he said to her that he was going to go be with Heavenly Father. She said to him, "Wow! You must be a really good boy to get to go and be with him." His reply was,"Oh, mommy, I have been." She said he was so excited. Two weeks later he developed a brain bleed and died. I cried as she told my children that story. The thought of losing a child kills me. But, as I heard this part of the story for the first time I couldn't help but be grateful that my kids could hear this from their grandmother. Bruce also shared memories of his grandparents with our kids. We had a great time together. I'm so thankful for the cherished traditions that are not only fun for my family but unify us and are shaping who we are and what we value.